friday

Look at me, sitting on the settee updating my blog! The only downside is that I see my reflection on the screen and I am looking down. Not an attractive angle.

I want to share with you things that I have learnt (and I don't mean French or Geography):

Don't drink and dial. It is a hard lesson to learn -but those telephone conversations never end well.
Watch how he treats his Mum - because that is how he'll end up treating you.
Its boring but you need to have a cleaning routine. Otherwise mess builds up.
People can't read minds. Even if they love you very much.
Life is too short to read a boring book. Just because you've started it doesn't mean you have to finish it.
If it takes longer than five minutes to do your hair, you haven't got the right hair style.
People don't listen if what you are saying they don't want to hear.
Don't believe everything you hear.
Don't get sucked into someone else's soap opera.

Has anyone else got any tips?

BTW I have changed the title of my previous post as Steve's friends were taking the micky.

Steve is the Geezer

Took the plunge and bought a lap top today. It took Steve hours to get the blummen thing on line. I don't know what people do if they haven't got a Steve. It kept crashing out and defaulting to IP6 (wtf). I really admire his patience, he just kept at it until he solved problem. Steve is my hero.

It is a great lap top. I'm pretending I am Scully when she used to type up her reports at the end of the programme. It was a X file getting this working!!

Crushes

I was reading an interview with David Tennant, where he said that someone told him he wasn't as good looking in real life. I have long suspected that to be the case with actors. In films they are well lit, got make up on and wearing nice clothes. I think it is the character you fancy rather than the actor. For example I never thought much one way or the other about George Clooney until I saw him in Solaris. I sat through most of the film open mouthed. It is one of my favourite films. But George hasn't done it for me in any other film. Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor- zilch in anything else. I don't know why but as the Doctor I can over look the big nose, big ears and skinny face. I suppose the exception to this is Keanu Reeves. I could watch him in anything (and have). He is getting older now and I'm a bit worried that he will go down the dyed hair and eyebrows route. Don't' do it Keanu!

Ladies who lunch

Had another of my birthday treats. I had my facial this morning - if I had the dough I would have that done every week. Then Mum, Angela and I went to lunch. Considering it is a Wednesday it was packed - and there weren't many men there. Not that I was on the pull, but it struck me there are a lot of ladies of leisure that live round here.

Mr Robbo has finally started his blog - www.steve.dj. F1 fans will find it interesting. In fact if you are not a F1 fan you will find it interesting.

Just heard the basic rate of income tax has been cut - stealth taxes will probably go up.

Because she's worth it

Thanks everyone for all the cards and happy wishes. I got some H Samuels vouchers from work and indulged in my Nao habit. She was a bit expensive but totally worth it.

Little known fact - it snowed yesterday (I know thats not a little known fact) the last time it snowed on 19th March was 1985. I was walking home from school at the time. My boyfriend bought me a black and white portable telly. Black and white! And we only had 4 channels to watch. Those were the days.

Birthday.

Happy Birthday to me. Perhaps that is why I am up so early. Sheer excitement. Or is it true that old people don't need so much sleep?
Had the second of my treats yesterday. We all went round Mum and Dad's. they had happy Birthday banners and balloons ( I think it was more for Joe and Aaron's benefit than mine). We had a delish buffet and I managed to blow out all the candles on the cake. Aaron has started to charge cash for his pictures now. The prices range from 10p to 50p. Quite the little entrepreneur. In one of their comics there was a competition to win a Wii. I tried to explain to them that the answer would be in the comic. They didn't believe me so when I found the answer I went from zero to hero. We rang up the expensive phone line to enter. They fully expect to win now. When I pointed out that I should win it because I found the answer, they laughed. "Oh Gina you can't even play PS2 properly and you don't know what a x box is."

Watched Casino Royale. I can now understand what all the fuss about Daniel Craig is about. Don't you think sex appeal is attitude rather than looks? Generally conventionally good looking people are pretty bland. I liked the dark tone of the film, it was a James Bond for grown ups.

Watched part of the Top 100 Stand Up Comics. Jim Davidson going on about how he f*cking hates women, and if he didn't have to f*ck them he'd have nothing to do with them. Is that supposed to make me laugh? And the way he tore in to Jo Brand was unpleasant.

Flying the flag

It may surprise you to learn that Mr Robbo loves the Eurovision song contest. So we watched "Making your mind up last night." I think it used to be called "A song for Europe". This is where the UK choose a song to enter for the Eurovision (a note to my Non European readers.) I was half reading my book and half watching it. I was mildly surprised to see that a French girl had entered. Yes I know Gina G is Australian and Celine Dion represented Switzerland, but still. However Scooch made me put my book down and give it my full attention. I thought their routine was brilliant and I loved the bit where they turn their flight trolleys round to make a Union Jack. I am so glad they won. I got in touch with my inner camp. I also liked the bit where Terry Wogan and Fearne Cotton announced different winners. To me that is the real spirit of Eurovision. Cocking up on live TV.

I was mortified to discover I have been spelling Reiki wrong. Why didn't anyone tell me?

Nagging works

I have had the first of my birthday treats. Sharon and I went for a Japanese. Sharon and I used to go out together a lot , but with our disposable income getting smaller over the years (mortgages, taxes, save share schemes, high maintenance husbands..) we make the effort to go out on each other's birthdays. Sharon was telling me about an article she had read. It was saying that separate bedrooms are a good idea, as men are untidy and clutter the place up.
"But I have got a nice tidy bedroom." I said.
"What Steve doesn't leave all his crap on the floor like Tim does?"
"No. We put our dirty washing in the clothes basket. Steve has got all his radio stuff on his bedside table. Steve is pretty tidy."
It wasn't always like this. When we first started living together that was the main thing we argued about. Steve's messy ways drove me mad. Now he even vacuums the comers of the ceilings. He vacuums better than I do. Unasked he empties bins, wipes the kitchen work tops down and throws things away. I don't know who is more surprised his Mum or me. When I first met Steve, his Mum actually warned me that he was messy. Ladies, nagging works. It may not be pleasant at the time but it gets results. A bit like revising for a really big exam.

Started to use all my Lush soap, creams and bath bubbles. I feel fabulous but smell like a tart's handbag. (now where did that expression come from ?)

Birthday Cards

I'm off next week (off work that is) so I had my birthday at work today. I got loads of cards and presents. Decided that I like working there after all. As you may have guessed I am a very shallow person.

BTW weird mark nearly disappeared. No other weird marks have appeared, so that's good.

Grand Prix season is starting this weekend. Oh deep joy. Steve will be getting up at 3am tomorrow. Then he will tell me all about it. *sigh*

Reiki Relaxation

Just come home after a sublime Reiki session. I felt peaceful. Its interesting how each session is so different, my last one was intense. It is also strange how it affects the practitioner, Claire said that she felt very relaxed too. I feel like I have just had a hot, relaxing bath. I could quite happily go to bed now!

Wednesday

Unbeknown (is that all one word - it looks odd typed) to me my in box needed restarting - so I got all my emails all at once. It was great- it made me feel v important and popular, as long as I ignored the fact that there were spread over a few days.
I've preordered the new Harry Potter for Angela. A lot of people think that he will be killed off don't they? Children don't usually die in fiction though - not unless their life is horrific (Water Babies) or you are unlucky enough to be Beth March. It was awful when she died. Its like Ring of Bright Water - who saw that coming ? And the end of Watership Down and Fiver. I know they were animals but the books were children's fiction. Perhaps Harry might die after all.

Seaside

We got home a bit earlier than usual and took the dogs for a walk over the beach. It was so relaxing. Collected some shells for the fish tank and the dogs had a paddle. It was like a teeny meeny mini break.

On a puzzling note, woke up today with what likes a love bite on my neck. As it is certainly not a love bite (Steve's teeth were in the glass on the bedside table) am a bit confused. Hope it doesn't get any bigger, or any more weirdy marks appear elsewhere.

Manic Monday

Today at work was mad. I feel quite worn out. Went to Subway lunch time and asked for a Veggie Delite and watched in amazement as he started to sprinkle chicken over my sub. I know some restaurants think fish are vegetables but this is the first time I've ever seen someone think chicken is a vegetable. Day got worse from there really. We had run out of muesli so I went into Sainsburys after work. I got the lazy mute cashier, the one who can't even be bothered to tell you how much the bill is, let alone ask you if you've got a nectar card. I once asked a cashier how I can get a nectar card and she was flummoxed so no I haven't got a nectar card.

I Love my PC

There has been such excitement in Robbo World this morning. Steve has finally worked out how to make Stumble compatible with Internet Explorer. I love Stumble. before we (well Steve )upgraded the computers we could use it through FireFox. Let me tell you about Stumble - you submit a profile of your interests and it will show you pages it thinks you will like. Ruthie, if you thought Heroes was addictive you should try Stumble. I was thrilled to see the recent amendments that they have made - as I haven't been able to use it since December -you can really narrow down the topics you're interested it. I've signed up to a feed reader - so I'll be notified when my fave blogs are updated - so much better than trawling through the blogs. Will I ever get any work done?
You may have noticed that I have updated my photo - I now realise my new haircut looks the same as my old one. Steve took the photo from a slight angle to try and hide my numerous chins.
I had to get up about during the night to let Penny out- the moon was glowing. It was really golden. I have no idea why it was doing that but it looked like the sun in the night sky. I'm sure I didn't dream it.

I was reading the gardening section today and in the the to do list it said plant gladioli bulbs. And I have ! I did it this morning!! That is the first time ever I have actually done something from the to do list. Which makes me wonder why I read it in the first place.

BTW the little critters pictured are Lola and Reggie. They keep Ruthie pretty busy.

Mum and Dad

We went round Mum and Dad's last night. As you walk up to their door security light comes on that completely dazzles you. I always spend the first couple of minutes with spots in front of my eyes. We ordered a take away - we tend to do that instead of one of us cooking - much more relaxing for the designated cook. Mum phoned the order through and told them to get a move on. Well what she actually said was "And how long will that be? 45 minutes. Well as quick as you can." Which proves my theory that the older you get the less you care about what you say.
Then she did something that really shocked me. She took off her cardy and hanged it on the back of the armchair. We were never allowed to do that as kids. Their suite is ERCOL for goodness sakes. It cost a fortune. When they first got it 3 years ago we weren't allowed to sit on it if we were having a cup of tea, in case of spillage. Joe and Aaron weren't even allowed in the living room. And now she is hanging up clothes on it. Dad took the offending cardy out.
When they first got the Ercol settee and armchairs the cushions were feather filled. They were a nightmare - the cushions kept losing their shape and you kept slipping off them. They have had them replace by foam filled cushions and it so much better. So my furniture buying tip is don't buy feather filled.

Friday

Horrendous day at work. Blummin awful. On the plus side got lots of compliments on my hair - I don't care if I had to solicit them ("Do you like my hair?" "Yes")
I'm working on a short story to submit to Hackwriters. Did the first draft in the third person, but I find writing in the third person really hard. Trying not to used "she" or their name. It all gets a bit muddled. I think I'll rewrite it in the first person. I'm really rubbish at thinking up names as well. For one of my OU stories I used the dogs' names, it was quite funny reading Ashley's critique of Tom and Penny.

Haircut part 2.

Hair cut euphoria now worn off. *sigh*

Haircut

Just had my hair cut and I love it. it is unusual for me to like how I look so I am making the most of it.

Wednesday

Guru Nanak Dev - does he ring any bells with you? Aaron had home work about him. I had to google him - he is the founder of the Sikh religion. I'm ashamed that I didn't know that, I always thought I had good general knowledge.

The door bell rang at about 8 this evening. I opened the door (which really gets on my nerves when Steve is in. I think he should answer the door in case it is a violent nutter) to find a very young man trying to sell me life insurance. I said no thank you, very politely. But what a rotten job, he looked so nervous and was a bit stammery. Perhaps he had disturbed some violent nutters and was worried I feel really sorry for him. Still didn't buy any life insurance though.

Finding Saturn.

In a rare quiet moment at work I was explaining to Graham how you can spot Saturn at the moment. He was amazed I knew- I told me I watched The Sky at Night last night and they explained it. If used wisely TV can be educational. This is how you do it (spot Saturn, not watch educational telly) -

Find the Plough (or the saucepan). If you follow north 45 degrees from the bottom right hand corner you will see the north star. The north star is what the sailors used to use to navigate before they discover longitude. This is nothing to do with Saturn, but is interesting.
Now if you go south 45 degrees from the bottom right hand corner you will come to an oblong cluster of stars - Saturn is the brightest star. Of course you can only see this if you are in the Northern Hemisphere. When I was south of the equator I found it miraculous that I was seeing different stars from the ones at home.
Another tip that they gave last night was if you have a telescope - leave it outside for a few hours so that the telescope is acclimatised to the temperature. You will get a better view.

BTW did anyone see the moon eclipse on Saturday night? Seeing that you can understand why people have always been intrigued by the stars.

On a personal note - Hannah if you are reading this I haven't been able to see your blog -I just get a black page.

2 weeks to go.

Two weeks to go to my birthday. The good news is I've booked a week off work . The bad news is I'll be 3! I've recently noticed that people must lie about their age. You know when you read the paper and there is a caption under the photo -Mrs blah blah-32. 32 my ar*e!42 more like or she has had a very hard life. Or perhaps been out in the sun a lot. A suspiciously large number of elderly looking people seem to be 36.

I have started planning my birthday treats. A meal out with Sharon Friday week. We're going to a Japanese restaurant. Out with Steve on my birthday - probably to our fave Indian and then a Chinese with Angela and Dave the following Saturday. Thereby covering most of Asia in 3 easy meals . On the Wednesday for my birthday present, Mum is treating me to a facial. Then Mum, Angela and I will go out for lunch. Of course these are birthday treats Plan A and are subject to change at short notice.
I won't be coy about my age , I'll be 39. Steve would like it noted that he is actually younger than me. There was once a nasty incident when someone thought he was my Dad. There was even a uglier incident when someone thought I was dad's wife. I suppose Dad does look good for his age but it was weird.

Men

Just read the Style issue of The Times. it is a special men's edition - but I bet many men won't read it. It is all about aftershaves (they call it scent, but they mean aftershaves), clothes and women. One article was about how the writer had a young lady in his bedroom, only for her to walk out because he had a clock radio from Argos. Apparently she objected to its cheapness. I think Argos should sue. Gentlemen if a lady makes her excuses once she is actually sitting on your bed, it has nothing to do with the make of your radio.
When Steve and I began dating, I bought him some Penhagalon's aftershave. It was very expensive. The bottle was made of heavy glass and come in a silk lined box. I think he wore it once just to be polite. Steve isn't really into any of that. If its not radio controlled he is not interested. (He was beyond thrilled with the radio controlled watch I gave him for Christmas.) I watched the Ian Rankin interview last night on BBC4 talking about Rebus. Ian is married and was saying he gave Rebus a lot of characteristics he hasn't got. Ian said unmarried Rebus is allowed to make a mess in his flat. That hit a chord, Steve hasn't been allowed to make a mess in the last 9 years. A lot of our arguments have been about messiness. Talking about arguments- I never believe those couples who say "Oh, we never argue." Who are they kidding?

Vices

I like to think that I am an educated woman. I like to think that I am well read and aware. I do have reasons to think this - I read the quality papers, I grow my own hair, my nails aren't "gelled". I buy quality not labels (well except for le creseut, but I've blogged about that obsession enough) I don't have a tattoo. When I visit a city I go to the art galleries and museums. I watch foreign language films. My favourite artist is Egon Schiele.
However I do have a dark side-
I love Nao/lladro figurines - i know they can be twee( can be...) but i really like them. I have ever since my Mum bought one when I was about 12. I have two pieces that have pride of place in my living room which my friends have never commented on.
I am enthralled by the Masked Magician.
I'm gutted Rosemary and Thyme have been cancelled.
I say "afters" "living room" "loo" "settee" "dinner" for the evening meal, "pardon" "serviette".
I'm a sucker for diamonds.
If I had had children I fancied the names Bailey and Brogan (Steve didn't - he asked me why I just didn't call them chav).


Changing the subject I was reading the Telegraph (see, see i am posh!) and there was an article about the Compact Group. It originated in San Francisco and the idea is to buy only things you need. If possible buy things second hand or preferably recycle/lend /borrow. A couple of years ago when Steve and I were really skint we did cut down on shopping. We had no choice. We started using the Library more, shopping at Lidl and Aldi. I stopped going to the shops at the weekend as something to do. We're better off now but we have kept those habits. Going to the library has saved me a fortune and i don't miss Saturday shopping. I think the Compact group is a good idea.

In sickness...

I am not a natural nurse. Steve has taken to his bed, gravely ill. he asked me to bring him a drink. I got told off for pouring too much drink in it (wtf...). he has managed to get up now and i 'll change the bed as I don't want to sleep in Stevie sicky sweaty sheets. i do feel sorry for him, he isn't well - is that just that I haven't got any patience. Any way we got married in a registry office and you don't make any promises about sickness and health. Did you know in a registry office you don't actually make any vows, you make statements. We didn't write our own vows - its hard enough writing a blog. Some thing like : I promise to stay with you unless you get on my nerves, someone better comes along or you get ugly - well, its just not romantic is it?

Glamour

This may shock you but I think I am in danger of becoming dowdy. I stopped dying my hair a year ago - I was shocked to realise I liked my natural colour ( I hadn't seen it for so long.) I've given up on high heels - they do look nice but I like to walk fast. And i have never manged the art of walking fast (or just walking normally ) in high heels. All my shoes are flat except my going out shoes. But my next going out shoes I'll buy will be flat. I don't have hair straighteners. i don't like wearing low cut tops anymore - I'm worried I'll have some one's eye out.
I do wear make up and perfume. I wash my hair every day and shave my legs. I moisturise. I put on a face pack once a week. I wear nail varnish on special occasions. But I don't make the effort I did when I was younger. I don't think it has to do with being married...most men don't notice what women wear anyway. I think its laziness.

Done It!

I have fulfilled my challenge of blogging every day for a month. Obviously I picked the shortest month to try my challenge. There was only one day when I couldn't think of anything to write, which surprised me - it was easier than I imagined it would be.

Tuesday.

I have been getting the odd comment from CK. CK is from Taiwan and our conversation has been on the Ouch! post. CK has rumbled me - I am very nosey.

Ordered the new Agatha Raisin from Amazon - I can't wait, she is one of my favourite reads. Read Mrs Miggins's blog today where she confesses a weird crush on Daniel Radcliffe (Equus Daniel not Harry Potter Daniel.) I was trying to think what weird crush I 've got. I find James May strangely alluring.

Made Tacos tonight, asked Steve if he thought it was sexy using his fingers to eat. He said no. The chilli made his nose run. Sometimes I think Steve is my weird crush.

Panda

Couldn't get to sleep last night. Went to bed at about 11, read for a bit and snuggled down at about half past. At 12 I was still awake , this is very unusual for me. At 1 I was still awake. Half one, quarter to two...I'm trying not to panic. i was reaching that stage when I thought I'm never going to fall asleep. I started to think about Insomnia by Stephen King. So I reached and got panda. Panda is not a lady thing, it is Steve' s old teddy bear. feeling foolish but desperate I snuggled up to Panda and fell asleep.
And when I told this to my colleagues they all laughed at me. I thought Helen was going to wet herself. They're just jealous that they haven't got Panda. I haven't got any of my childhood toys - they're lost in the mists of time.

Memories

When I was young it was my ambition to be a journalist. This was in the days before the interweb and people used to cobble together fanzines. I googled it last night (see what i mean about the PC being a distraction?) and was amazed to see that was sold on e bay and that the copy was open on the interview I had done with Billy Bragg. I'm even more amazed that I had the balls to interview Billy Bragg in the first place.

Popped into Waterstones today and was looking at the stationery stuff they sell. When I started my OU Creative Writing course we were told to get a notebook. A lot of the students raved about the notebooks in Waterstones, although I bought mine from Smiths. I can see why there got excited, they are moleskin covered notebooks. But they are very thin -thereby being very easy to fill up- and very expensive. My notebook is like a brick and cost about a fiver. I have got a puritanical streak. For the past few days I've been working on a poem for my parents' ruby wedding anniversary.

Theatre

Went to see "The Unexpected Guest" with my Dad this afternoon. Dad has loved Agatha Christie for years , and I've just started to get into her. Its handy because Dad has all her books. mum booked the tickets a few months ago, it was only when Dad handed me my ticket I realised she had booked senior citizen concessions. And I got in! No questions asked! I thought I could pass for 34 not 64!!!

Confession

yesterday we had an enjoyable evening talking got our Transatlantic friend. When we finished the call, mark was going for a run. We told him we would watch a bit of telly and go to bed. (it was about 9.30) An hour and half later those greedy Robbos had stuffed a bumper bag of crisps and a large slab of chocolate between them. Why????? We both had fatty remorse when we woke up this morning. we both had a food hangover.

Was supposed to go out after work this evening but I was in the unusual position of being blown out by everyone else. They all had good excuses, but still..At least the dogs were pleased to see me.

Square Eyes

Totally addicted to heroes. I've been watching it so much the distinction between real and not real is merging. I think that must have been what happened to Mark -see comments 15th Feb ;0)
If I could have any Hero power it would be mind reading , because I'm nosey. But you know that anyway.
BTW my note pad is still untouched....been watching too much TV.

Writing

I went to WH Smiths today and bought a writing pad and a pen refill. There are too many distractions for my writing when I turn on the PC. First of all I have to check my celebrity gossip and other people's blogs. Then I write my blog. Then I look things up on Wikipedia. this is not good. Ashley warned me about people who don't keep up with their writing when they have finished their course. I'm not going to be like that - but I can't kid myself that writing this is as good as writing my stories. poor Sylvie Pickles isn't getting the attention she deserves! I don't want to end up like the Dark Half.

Days like these.

There are somethings that you will never get over. The best you can do is to come to terms with it, live with it, make it manageable. And when I say the best you can do, Imean that - it is very difficult to do this. I have only managed this with a lot of help. Sometimes things happen , take you by surprise and you think "I can't cope with this any more. It is too hard." I've had a day like that today. I think that there are days like these in every one's life.
My advice - don't bottle it up, talk to someone who cares. Choose someone who won't start a sentence with "What you need to do is..""You'll have to get used to..." "Is your period due.." Don't let anyone deny how you feel. And realise you won't always feel like this. It will pass.
In fact just typing this has made me feel better.

Staring into Space

I had set myself a challenge to write an entry everyday this month. I've been sitting staring into space for the past 5 minutes. OK I can get away with this today, but I had better think of something tomorrow.

Did you know that in the Shetland islands only men attend funerals? That is something I have learnt today. (perhaps I should have saved that fact for tomorrow's entry.)

Cooking instructions

Have you noticed that cooking instructions on frozen stuff lie? Alan came over for dinner last night, I popped in some sliced garlic bread to go with the lasagne. It said 5 minutes on the pack. 5 minutes- 25 more like. It wasn't a cold oven, it had been on for 40 minutes . I know it states "cooking times may vary" but really they should have put "We don't know how like this will take. You need to keep checking."

You may have noticed I haven't recorded Southend's score this week. it was (whisper) 4 nil. Stupid football.

Saturday

I've been reading a book called In Fidelity by M J Rose. I suppose it is a crime book because there is a murder, but the book questions if a partner is unfaithful does that necessarily mean the end of the relationship. A relationship is more than sex- is it worse if your partner confides in some one other than you ? At the end of the book the wife tries again with the unfaithful husband. It was just sex, she reasons, her and her husband have a much deeper connection.
I think that is all very well in theory but I don't think affairs are really about the sex. I think it is the excitement of having to keep it all a secret. The buzz of having someone pay attention to you, giving you compliments, feeling special. Some people even tell their friends what they are up to. They live in their own soap opera where they have the starring role. Its like when I hear people say "We just love each other too much" WTF does that mean? I think that just means they like make up sex.
I don't believe that there is the perfect soul mate. I believe to make a go of a relationship both of you have to want to make it work. There is a lot of compromise and a lot of communication. Just because you love someone doesn't make them or you a mind reader.

Angela

Hey, hey my sister's back! Angela, Dave and the boys have just come back from a week at Center Parcs. You can't really get a signal there so we haven't talked for a whole FIVE days. Angela just gave me a quick ring to say that they're back safe and sound, she is exhausted but has had a fantastic time. its odd when we were kids we couldn't stand each other. i used to ask Mum why she had to have another baby. As we got older Angela annoyed me and I embarrassed her by being such a geek. She said I had Dougal hair!(Dougal - magic Roundabout) -she was right I did! We were teenagers in the 80s and Angela used a can of hairspray making sure she had the big hair. Angela had mammoth hair. i was more of a Smiths fan and hardly had any hair it was cut so short. We both were fans of black eyeliner and red lipstick. gradually we became friends, it only took about 20 years. She is the only person I would wear a red satin be-bowed dress for (yup that was the bridesmaid dress she stuck me in.) She sang Mrs Robinson under her breath when I introduced her to Steve - and said to him "You don't look 6 foot 3."
Angela makes me laugh and occasionally she even says things that make sense. I'm glad Mum and Dad had another baby.

Question

The trouble with having big dogs is that when you hear water lapping - is that them drinking from their water bowl or they having a big long wee?

Ho hum I'd better check.

BTW being invisible doesn't mean you can shoplift - the objects are still visible.

My Special Power

Mum is right - I am special!My special power is a bit confusing as I can't see any change, I only become aware of what has happened by people's reaction to me. Or rather their lack of reaction. I am: Invisible- in - Crowds -but especially in supermarkets -Woman. Sometimes my invisibility affects the car, judging by the amount of people who pull out/don't indicate - the poor dears have checked their mirrors they just haven't seen the invisible car.

Valentines

I've never been that bothered by valentines day. I think I grew out of it by the time I was 17. At 22 I realised that there is nothing more frustrating that getting a Valentines, having no idea who it is from and never finding out. Ever. For me as a singleton the killer was New Years Eve. Having no one to kiss at midnight and spending the first 20 minutes of the New Year sitting by myself whilst all the couples danced to the slowies. Not getting a special Christmas present sucks too. Although I am a great believer in not hurling from one relationship to another. Not to sound too Hallmarky I do think it is only when you are moderately (lets not carried away here) happy with your own company can you open up to someone else. Saying that I have had some shocking ex boyfriends - what was I thinking? I don't know if its a flaw in me (yes I do - its not) but I've never stayed friends with any of my exes.

Monday

Today was extremely busy at week. There was only three of us today and we kept emitting sighs of sheer exhaustion. when we got home I cooked a roast and then watched The L Word. I love that programme , I think it is even better than Sex and the City. Life on Mars starts tomorrow, I'm looking forward to watching that.

Decided to start again with my story. I'm going to re write it from the first person-multi points of view are proving to be a challenge!

I'm too exhausted to write any more.

Lists

Things I like about Essex:

Being by the sea.
It is urban enough so you get takeaways delivered, but there is rural bliss a short drive away.
There are lots of parks.
London is on the doorstep, but we are far enough away for the town to have its own identity.
When I walk down the High Street I always see some one I know. We give each other a little wave and "All right?"
There are some lovely country walks that are hidden away. You feel that you are in the middle of nowhere.
The town has theatres, a cinema and good restaurants.

Things I like about Steve:

he is tall
he makes me laugh
he puts me first
he is clever
he is full of surprises

What I hate about Steve:

Instead of emptying the bin bag he balances rubbish on top of the rubbish. When he does this, it makes me so mad I could do time for it.

Walkies

Took the dogs for a walk along the beach this afternoon,. Unfortunately there was a fellow dog walker who couldn't control his dog. the dog was off its lead. The dog came bounding over - and with tail upright. the owner was already yelling for it to come back. That's worrying if this is a friendly dog why is the owner trying to call the dog away. i walked away with Tom and pen , not making eye contact - when dogs come running over with their tail upright it is a bad sign. I got the dogs on a short lead and the dog stopped a few feet away, the owner is still yelling and the dog is still ignoring him. Tom's barking , but what is concerning me more is Penny. She has got her teeth bared and is really doing some serious growling. the last time I heard Pen growl like that was a few years go when a dog run underneath her. Carrying on walking is not helping so I stand still, pushing Penny's face into the side of my leg. She is now growling into my thigh. The owner is still yelling - but he hasn't come over to pull his dog away- he is keeping a safe distance - this owner is not helping at all. the dog gets bored with me playing statues and runs off. I carry on with my walk. Dog owners like that rely on the other dog owner taking responsibility. I've just got a horrible feeling that one day that dog will end up in a fight. The rest of the walk was uneventful, thank goodness!

Five Nil

Southend beat QPR five nil. Five nil. Five nil.
Five nil.
It is never boring supporting Southend.

Reader Perception

My Mum thinks that the story I managed to in Hackerwriters is about her. Never mind that the story is about a the death of a mother and she is very much alive. When I wrote it I thought I had created a character. I thought it was a generic close mother/daughter relationship. However seeing as Mum refers to it as the story you wrote about me , perhaps I need to have a rethink. If Mum reads the story as sees it as about herself (when that wasn't my intention) does that mean she is right? When I was doing the Ou course someone berated the tutor for not "getting" her story. At the time I smirked and thought the writer can't blame the reader. I might write what I think I'm writing , but the reader reads what is there. So hands up, on a subconscious level I've written a story about my Mum dying. I'm lucky that Mum is thrilled about my description of her.

I'm the only one that thinks visitors (however welcome) make the house messy? Don't get paranoid Ruth, I'm referring to visitors not visitor. You have to rearrange the seating, get out extra coasters and find somewhere to put their coats. Sometimes they don't even put the loo seat down! I enjoy the company but I'm itching to get things straight after they have gone. I wish I could be like Angela, she is genuinely hospitable and social. I just have to work at it a bit more. So if you do get invited over I must really like you!

Casino Nights

We went to the Westcliff Casino to celebrate the aforesaid anniversary. We never actually bet, but the bar is nice and the restaurant is good. We had a table with a view out over to the pier. We haven't been to the casino for years and I'm sorry to say they have got rid of the sweet trolley. I love it when they roll out the sweet trolley - all those delicious looking gateaux and trifles. We still had a right good feed up, there was a special offer as we went during the week and the bill was just shy of £30. Considering it was a Tuesday it was very busy. I've attached a picture of my beloved that I took on the my mobile.

Went to the shopping bit at Rayleigh Weir this afternoon as Steve wanted to get a part for the car. We also went to the supermarket to get the heavy groceries. It was horrendous. I'm never ever going there again. Ever. I don't know if the car parks were badly designed or just that idiots go there. The good news was that when we got in there was a message from work to say the breakfast meeting was cancelled. Hurray!! I hate having to get up any earlier than I have to.

8 Years

We got some nice Anniversary cards today. Angela gave us a Green and Black chocolate fondue. Green and Black is serious chocolate love- I could smell the stuff through the wrapping. Steve is the real chocoholic in the house, I prefer savouries. I'll go to Sainsburys tomorrow to buy some out of season fruit for dipping. Steve would rather use biscuits- that's not very sophisticated it it?
We went to see Pan's Labyrinth this afternoon. I love going to the pictures in the afternoon, it feels so decadent. The film wasn't a horror film, although parts of it were horrific. I feel the film is really about a child driven mad by grief. I'm glad I saw it because it was an original film and it does stay with you afterwards. Although watching the Captain shoot at stuff all the time reminded me of The Simpsons Cartridge Family episode.

Monday

Started writing my "cozy" last night. The heroine is called Sylvie Pickles. I'm pleased with the name - I find it hard naming characters. I've got the first 500 odd words under my belt . I feel pleased I've actually made a start.
Got the next two days off. its our anniversary tomorrow. We're going to see Pan's Labyrinth, which is a horror movie. Not exactly my idea of romance. I'll probably spend most of the film not wearing my glasses so that the scary bits are all blurred.
Work is really really busy. I was quite worn out when I left.

Ouch!!!

Car door slammed on my little finger. Thought I was going to throw up with the pain of it. When I was younger I thought I had a high pain threshold, I realise now it was just that I have never really experienced pain.

I have been thinking about my cozy story on and off for the past few days and written a few character sketches. I've got the heroine, the sidekick and the victim. I need the murderer now, although I think I'll start writing and see what happens. I found out writing the Doctor Who stories that it is best just to get on with it. There is always a danger that if you over think it , you end up not writing anything. on that note, I'm off!

A vagina monologue

I've been reading Self made Man by Norah Vincent. The title of the book kind of gives it way, it is her story of passing as a man for a year. She joins a bowling team, gets a sales job and evens goes on a monastery retreat , as a man. Norah, as Ned, is trying to experience what life is like for men. How men see themselves and how they relate to each other. Ned goes on dates and Norah is shamed when she sees what a hard time women give men. Ned regards his date showing him a pack of photos as a hostile act. I think she was just trying to break the ice. What really surprised me/dismayed me was that the men she spoke to like their "women" (you know what I really mean) to be odourless, tasteless and clean.
That makes me mad. One of my pet hates are those adverts for deodorant tampons or feminine wipes. the underlying message of you smell down there. You can shower/bath every day but you are never gonna get that clean. it is outrageous. I've got a thing against applicator tampons for the same reason. To me it is saying :because you don't want to put your finger inside that do you - yuk! You might catch something!
To be fair I think the same thing may exist to men. However I've got this opinion from watching Sex and the City, so who knows how true it is. it seems that American women perfer their men circumcised, they believe it is cleaner. Seems a bit extreme to me. Isn't is easier just to wash. Perhaps there could be a market in masculine wipes?

Back to work.

Went back to work today. Everyone was very nice. My manager took one look at me and said she appreciated me making the effort to come in. That is code for you look like sh*t. And I do look like sh*t. I've got a scabby nose, spots and chapped lips. Still I did make an effort and wash my hair. I feel worn out now and a bit fed up. I was supposed to be going out tonight with Mum and Angela. And we're supposed ot be going out with Tim and Sharon tomorrow but I can't see Steve being up for that. Still it is our anniversary on Tuesday, we booked a few days and I'm sure we were both be okay by then. We will have been married eight years!!!!! I though a post our picture of Steve and I looking a bit more glamorous than we are today.

Where there's a will..

I'm off work with a bumper cold/ chest infection green gunk thing. My sister has bullied me into making an appointment with the Doctors ('You need antibiotics! Sicking up green gunk is not normal!') So I'm seeing the Doctor this evening. So naturally my thoughts are turning towards death. My death.
Steve and I tried to make a will about 4 years ago. We went to the solicitors , but unfortunately he couldn't seem to get his head around the fact that we were childless, would remain childless and wanted to leave a third of our estate to someone who was mentally handicapped. It was a very upsetting experience. So I got upset and we still didn't have a will. Any how now that I'm gravely ill I googled 'last will and testament' and have done it on line. Talk about easy peasy. I even had to fill in details about funeral/cremation that the stupid solicitor didn't ask about. I have saved it so Steve can read the details- so fingers crossed he survives the drive home - and then we can pay it.
Talking of funeral arrangements - I want to be cremated and have flowers. Steve does not want flowers because he thinks that is gay (wtf? he'll be dead and worrying that people will think he is gay). Steve has got a cool idea, he wants balloons tied to his coffin. So that when the coffin goes into the furnace the balloons will all go BANG!!!!! Obviously if I'm still around I won't be honouring that request.

Just come back from the Doctors with a handful of antibiotics, one to to be taken 3 times a day.

Greyhounds

Kim has just welcomed a retired greyhound into her family. She texted us a picture of Ellie. The dog had already made herself at home lolling over the settee. We've got greyhounds. They are funny dogs in that most of the time they are no trouble at all. they don't need much exercise, they sleep most of the time(and snore) and hardly ever bark. They are very affectionate. Although to people who don't know the breed may think they look aggressive when they bare their teeth, they are in fact grinning.The downside is that they can be a tad on the sensitive side. Tommy and Penny hate fireworks/loud bangs it really freaks them out and a freaked out greyhound is a bit of a handful. its on the rare occasions they won't do what I tell them to i realise what big dogs they are. I wouldn't get any other breed of dog, if only for the amount of ex racers that are looking for a home. It breaks your heart.

Here is Steve with Tom and Pen in his parents' garden.

Glad to be alive

Oops I forgot to mention that I worry about my pension. I worry about that a lot.

On a lighter note - the yin and yang - here are things that make me glad to be alive:

Steve, Mum, Dad , Angela , Dave , Joe and Aaron - just knowing those people are there.
Walking the dogs on an empty beach.
The dogs
getting stuck into a really good book.
Girly nights out
Stevie nights out
Good hair days
My computer desk
Writing - when it is going well!
Waking up on a Saturday morning knowing I don't have to get up.
My garden
Coming home from work.
Laughing
Singing
Sitting on the settee having a cup of tea when we've just finished cleaning the house
Going to concerts
a glass of red wine, a bowl of crisps and a good film.
Hearing the thud of the paper when it is delivered - I promised myself that when we got our own front door we would get the papers delivered at the weekend.

Its harder to think of happy things, but much nicer.

Worry

here is a list of things that I worry about:

Steve leaving me
Steve dying
My family dying
Mum going blind
Getting cancer
Losing my job
the dogs dying
Joe's nut allergy
Not writing enough
That a horrible family will move to our road and make our lives miserable
That aforesaid horrible family will play booming music all night
that some one will park in front of our garage, blocking it.
that I haven't got any friends
Mutant dogs attacking our dogs. some one stealing the dogs.
I sit on a chair and it will break through my sheer bulk
I'll lose my hair
I'll wet myself on a long car journey/work meeting
The water won't be hot enough for my bath
the house isn't clean enough
I don't walk the dogs enough
I'm not good enough
I'll get diabetes
Some one will grafitti the side of the house.
No one will attend my funeral

Actually it is nice writing them all done. its liberating.

Food again

Listened to Paul mcKenna last night. fidgeted a bit but stuck with it. I think I made a mistake in leaving the light on, made it harder to relax. Walked around today imagining I was slim. just listened the CD tonight, with the light off and nearly fell asleep. That's more like it. thought about what I want. i want to have control over food. most of the time I have - but when i haven't - well its not pretty. That's why I'm so anti diets, because you're handing your control over to someone else.

Changing the subject a friend said that Steve and I were soul mates. i wish she had been here when Steve pointed out that although I might be sitting next to him, it didn't mean I could talk to him. the thing was I got what he meant. i hate it when I'm trying to read/watch telly / think and he is telling me about something Steve Allen said on the radio. Sometimes I think we like each other more when we're not actually together. I think it is like that for most couples. I hope!

Food

Have dug out my Paul Mckenna 'I can make you thin' CD and will make an effort to listen to it every day. I know the theory, eat slowly, stop when you're full. Its so simple but it is so hard. i don't believe in diets but I do believe in creating a healthy relationship to food. it is just for me, a difficult subject. I hate diets, the idea of being told what I can and can not eat is abhorrent to me. My Mum was always on diets when I was little and I used to feel sorry for all the horrible foods she used to make herself eat. I can't remember the last time i ate a grapefruit or cottage cheese - that was what Mum seemed to live on in the 70s. Yuk! The Atkins Diet worked for her , she swears by that and Paul. Wish me luck.

Plan B

We were supposed to meet Sharon and Tim for a night out at Christmas, but Steve and I were poordy so we cancelled. We rescheduled for the weekend. Tim and Steve has know each other for years ( i think it is about 20?) and luckily Sharon and I really hit it of when we first met. I don't really believe in the concept of best friends but I would say Sharon was my best bud. Any hoo it is Joe and Aaron's birthdays Monday and Wednesday. Angela said that she was planning a family buffet and I said we couldn't go as we already made plans.
Angela : Perhaps you'll end up with plan B.
me:No - this is plan B.
Sharon rang up this morning - Tim is v poordy. We have rescheduled for February. We are now on plan C. Still at least we can go to the birthday buffet. When I told Angela she said that she knew we would end up going. Angela thinks she has got a touch of the Mystic Megs.

I told most people I know about my story getting published. I have divided people into those that ask for the web address and those that don't. I don't like those that don't so much now.

I was talking to Joe the other day and he reckons his Mum(Angela) is harsh. I joked that if he wanted harsh he should have nanny for a Mum. For example I was talking to Mum about how I would look at the window waiting for her to get home from work. Before I started school Mum had an evening cleaning job. Mum frowned and said she thought I was quite old to be doing that. Reader, I was four years old. My Mum is harsh. I think it is because she was born just after the war and remembers rationing. As for my Dad - he is so hard he has only recently starting washing in hot water.

Bullying

I just had to write something about Big Brother. I'm sick of people saying it is not racism, it is bullying. As if that makes it better. Or if they say its not racism the bullies are just jealous. As if that excuses it. If it feels like racism to the person being victimised it is racism.It doesn't matter if the perpetrator didn't intend it that way-it is how it is perceived. I'm suspicious of the way Shilpa is now stating that she knows it is not racism when in one unguarded moment she asked Jermaine : Is it because I am Indian? I think the producers have had a word with her. I've also had enough of the 'Jade is mixed raced so she can't be racist' defense - are they saying only white people or "pure"race people can be racist? It reminds of that awful - but some of my best friends are black/gay/ disabled- arguement.

Age

I was talking to Mum (well, I was actually doing the listening part of the conversation) and she told me that some of her colleagues thought she looked like a 40 year old.
Me: You don't look 40! I'm nearly 40. I look 40.
Mum: They said I look 40. You look 25
Me: I don't look 25.Are they scared of you? i think you look early 50s but never 40.
Mum: They did say they thought I looked 40
Me: I suppose you could look like a 40 year old that has had a really hard life.

I should say we were laughing as we said this. My Mum looks great for her age (undisclosed - but saying she looks early fifties is flattering) but she never looks 40. I like to think I could pass for 35. then again I would like to win the lottery.

Happy

I feel really happy today. I just got an e mail to confirm that one of my stories I submitted to Hackwriters has been accepted. I've put the link under favourite blogs. My name is on the list just like I'm a proper person and have a right to be there! I can't believe it.

New Blog

My good friend Ruthie has started her own blog. She wants to get the hang of it as first so I'm not allowed to link to her at the moment. In fact when I asked her what her blog was called she refused to tell me. i had to use the old Gina charm. (tell me tell me tell me.)

I can' t remember if I mentioned it but I submitted 2 stories to a E magazine on Saturday. I got a reply today and nearly wet myself - but it was only to say that they had received it and would get back to me. The editor said he had 300 essays to mark (classes are getting bigger.) So fingers and toes crossed.

BTW Steve has just read this and he said 'Ruth said you can't link to her!' I know!

Sunday

Feel quite quite bleuh today (definition of bleuh - feeling greasy faced, fat and bored.) I think I miss the discipline of the creative writing course, I need to knuckle down and get on with it. I'm reading The Murder of Roger Ackroyd at the moment and there is a really funny scene where four of them are playing Mah Jong. Agatha is very good at dialogue. Also watched The Bourne Identity, really enjoyed it, I think Matt Damon is a under rated actor ( or perhaps I just under rated him, I was surprised at how good he was.) The underlying feeling of bleuh has stayed with me all day. Steve and I took the dogs out for a walk this morning and I enjoyed that. We don't actually walk them together that much (too busy) so it is nice when we get the chance to. I took the dogs to the beach yesterday and saw horses galloping along the shore, that was great. Sometimes I can't believe I live in such a nice place. Outside the fire station they have made hanging baskets out of their helmets. the police station has proper hanging baskets. perhaps they get paid more.

Questionnaires

Mark does some really cool questionnaires on his bog. (see my link for Falcon Portal.) i have no idea where he gets them from or if he just makes them up. Well here is my quiz. i've made it up all on mine own and it is my first attempt, so be kind.

Diana - tragic accident or murder?
Man on the moon - or just some film set in Texas?
Freerange or factory farmed?
Glasses or contact lenses?


Thats all I could think of.

BTW - totally amazed at the comments on my blog about Darts. Pleased to see most people agree with me Alan and Steve!

Seaside stars

One of the things I love about living near the sea is the clear night sky. When I let the dogs out before we go to bed, the stars are sparkling and I can make out Orion. When I went to Australia it was a weird feeling to look up at the sky and see different stars. It was humbling.

Darts

Steve and I were having a "discussion" on whether darts and snooker are sports or not. he reckons they are. I think any activity where you can smoke a cigarette or drink alcohol whilst you're doing it is not a sport. So snooker and darts no - ice skating and driving - yes.

BTW I've registered a domain name, its Ginarobbo.com I didn't want to mention it on my blog (because it is boring) but I've been told I should do so.

Ruthie - thanks for your lovely comments - but can't you post them to my blog - all those 0 comments are a bit depressing. Mark - I've no clue (and more importantly the Robertson inhouse computer expert has no clue) why you are no longer able to post comments.

Guilt

I'm fed up. I'm fed up women's magazines and television programmes designed to make you feel guilty. For instance all women feel guilty to one degree or another about what/how much they eat. It doesn't matter what size these women are. Now there are all these diet programmes that entail a radical life change (Chinese takeaways and lagers to mungo beans and warm water - how are they going to maintain that?) Then there are the debt programmes where a posh city bird makes a spendaholic live on £5 a day and sell all their stuff. or Pay your mortgage off in 2 years - when it is a luxury to have a mortgage these days under £100,000 - most people I know are still saving up for the deposit. Then while we're worrying that we're fat and in debt we can watch 'How clean is your house' and worry that we live in squalor. I know we don't have to watch these programmes but now they seemed to have spilled into magazines. I used to really like Goodhousekeeping. I liked reading articles about the best vacuum to buy, recipes that I never actually followed and life affirming stories about middle aged ladies hiking across the Himalayas. I could pretend for a little while I was middle class.Now it is full of scary articles about pensions short falls and how one glass of wine can increase your chances of getting breast cancer. And I really hate those - what is the best age to have a baby- articles. And before you say I don't have to buy it , Idon't - it was a subscription present.

Coat

Mum treated me to a new coat today. It is a lightweight brown jacket and I really like it at the moment. I also bought a new pair of shoes. I tend to muller shoes quite quickly -but then i treat them in a shocking way. I just chuck them in the downstairs cupboard and hardly ever polish them.

Steve has finished the discos now so he has given me the disco computer. It is super powered and finally I can get sound. I've been watching Youtube a lot. For some reason I can't use Firefox anymore and I had real problems logging into this blog. I haven't mentioned it to Steve yet because a. he got the nark when I asked why I couldn't use Firefox (you just can't, all right.) and B. I think he will go mad and go huffy and puffy.

Blog

Met Alan last night and he said 'Your voice sounds all right to me.' I thought how does Alan know I've got a sore throat and then I realised. Alan is a reader...

Work

Everyone at work is feeling very poordy, it has been a very difficult week. My voice is still deeper than Steve's . And Steve has got a very deep manly voice.

I'm reading a lot of Agatha Christie (my dad has got all her books and I've been borrowing them. I'm under strict instructions to return them). I used to be quite snobby about Agatha - but they are really good. There is a lot of sly humour and (unlike a lot of contempory crime books) they keep you guessing. it also makes a nice change to be able to discuss books with Dad, as we don't usually read the same sort of stuff. He likes reading true crime, especially stuff about the Krays and I hate true crime books. I'm really glad that they have pulled that O J Simpson 'book.'

Cold

I've still got this stinking cold. Its a weird GM type cold - i thought I was getting better and I got worse. My voice has is all over the place -it starts off as a deep rumble and disappears on a high squeak. So I'm cooking lots of vegetables for dinner tonight. Steve has got a racking cough. We sound like we both on 40 a day.

Steve has bought a domain name with the word DJ in it. how cool is that? Sorry girls- he's taken.

BTW Aaron And Joe really liked the story. And I believe them as they are very honest critics.

New Year's Eve

Steve is doing his last ever disco tonight. Finally the poor bloke just has his day job. it will be so nice spending New Year's Eve together again. Not that I'll imagine that we'll do much- the dogs are scared of fireworks so we would stay in anyway.

My le Creseut pot was delivered on Friday. It is small but perfectly formed. Actually I've had a rotten cold since Thursday and feel pretty ropey. I've been mainly drinking lemons and honey mixed in with lemsip.
So what will your new year resolutions be? I aim to carry on writing - and having fun with it. It would also be nice if I don't need any therapy this year. This time last year I was about to start a new job and a writing course, I was nervous. Now those things are under my belt. I'm going to try to be more open to change in 2007.

Ghost story

Here is the story I entered for the competition. I've gone on so much about it, I thought you might like to read it.

Sisters

‘So Mum, let me get this straight. You’ve being seeing Aunt Till.’

‘Yes Ted.’ Sarah pointed to the Formica table in the corner of the kitchen. ‘She sits there.’

At eighty six Sarah’s eyes weren’t as good as they could be, even when she wore her glasses (which she hardly ever did) so she didn’t catch Ted’s grimace. It upset him to hear his Mum talk like this.

‘Does Aunt Till ever say anything?’

‘No she just sits there.’

‘Next time you see her why don’t you try talking to her? Ask her what she wants.’

Ted left soon after. He offered to stay until his aunt appeared, but Sarah said no. He had his own family to get home to. This time of year Sarah virtually lived in her kitchen, it was easier to keep warm. The kitchen was big enough for a small table and 2 armchairs, one each side of the electric fire. She had her radio, perched on the fridge, for company. Sarah sat thinking about Till. Sarah had been one of nine, but she had always been especially close to Till. She never thought the day would come where the thought of seeing Tilly frightened her. She decided if she saw Till again, she would talk to her. She was still her sister. Death doesn’t change that does it?

One of the nuisances of old age was that you woke up so early. It was only four, but she knew she wouldn’t drop off again. Stuffing her feet into her Dalmatian slippers (a present from one of her twenty seven grandchildren) she went to the kitchen to make some tea. Sitting in the corner was her unwelcome visitor. Motionless, her brown eyes fixed on Sarah. Sarah was frightened. She didn’t know if she was frightened of seeing a ghost, or seeing things that weren’t there. Averting her gaze Sarah put the kettle on. Then taking a deep breath, (she had lived through the Blitz, she had given birth to nine children and buried two, she could do this) she looked at the apparition.

‘What do you want Tilly?’

‘Just a chat Sarah. Reckon it gets lonely being on your own.’ Till smiled.

‘How come you’ve never said anything before. Just sitting there all quiet, staring.’

Till stood up and walked over to her sister, ‘I didn’t want to scare you, I wasn’t sure if you could see me.’

Sarah started to cry. ‘Of course you scared me! Sitting there all quiet. I thought I was seeing things. I thought I was going mad’

‘You seeing things. That’s a laugh, you’re too vain to wear your glasses.’

Sarah looked up at her sister, and they both started to laugh.

‘I only didn’t wear them in case I saw your ugly mug!’

Ted is pleased to see his Mum is wearing her glasses more often now. She told him that she doesn’t see Aunt Till anymore and he believes her.

Fantasy Shopping part 2

Was in Tk Maxx today and they had a le Creuset oven dish for £8. Stared at the dish for a very long time. Didn't buy it in the end because: a. I didn't like the colour and b. I don't need an ceramic oval oven dish. it was a close run thing though.

Watched la Reine Margot tonight - nearly 3 hours long and not one laugh in it.

Fantasy Shopping.

I am brand neutral. I've never wanted a designer handbag. I buy generic clothes. If anything I am an inverted snob. I think some wide screen tellies are just too wide. I'd rather die than stick a plasma over my (fake) fire place. I've got a MP3 player rather than an I Pod. So why am I such a sucker for le Creuset cookware? If I could afford it I'd have all my cookware le Creuset. As it is I just have one volcanic orange cocotte casserole dish. And I love it. if the house was on fire I would save it. When I'm cooking with that , in my head I am in my Seventeenth century country cottage cooking on my Aga. And Agas was the deal with them? - we stayed in a cottage a few years ago and that had an Aga. In fact that was one of the reasons I wanted to stay there. it was a nightmare to cook with -I may as well microwaved the jacket potatoes -but I would still like one. Anyway with my Christmas money i have just bought another cocotte- it is blue and reduced to £35 - which is CHEAP- you normally don't get those babies for anything less than £60. I've bought it off Amazon in case you want to buy one as well. I don't why I love them so but I do. When I marry George Clooney I 'm going to have a Le Creuset wedding list. You see George will comfort me when Steve runs off with Fi Glover/Carol McGiffen.

Happy Christmas

Took the dogs for a walk this morning and was amazed to see that people are still shopping. if Christmas didn't exist the shops would have to invent it. Will this shopping never stop?

Finally emailed my story for Aaron . I had left it for a few days - and when I came back I had lost it. the computer had eaten it. taking it as a sign the story was rubbish(I never lose anything on the computer) I started again. I like it , I just hope he does. I am going to write something for myself next. I've always wanted to write a cozy crime story so I'm going to give that a go.

We're going to Church this evening for the carol service. We went last year and the church is freezing so we'll wrap up warm. I do like belting a few carols.

BTW a tip for dog owners. I was watching the Dog Whisperer and Cesar calmed an over excited dog by standing still, staring and pointing at the dog. When I was getting the leads out Tommy was barking and prancing so I tried the 'Cesar stance' and it worked!!!Tommy shut up and waited quite meekly. I'm going to try it out on Steve next.

Shop

My mammoth Tesco home delivery has arrived. Each kitchen cupboard is stuffed with goodies, the fridge and freezer are full and I'm still worrying that I may not have enough in for Christmas....Sometimes my default mood is "worry".

Steve is a lot better - but I can still smell the TCP.

Southend v Tottenham

AAArggghhh!!! Stupid football.

TCP

Have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the Dad cures everything with Windowlene? Well Steve is exactly like that but with TCP. he had got a cold at the moment and he keeps gargling with TCP. The smell is everywhere. I even thought I could smell it at work. When we first started going out together I cut myself and he suggested I douse it with TCP. NEVER AGAIN. The pain was unbelievable and I speak as someone who has had her tubes blown.

Tooth ache

Many years ago when I was 21, in Paris, eating a baguette I broke my tooth. When i got home the dentist did his best to fix it...and i have had trouble with it ever since. i have spent hundreds of pounds on that tooth and like a ungrateful child , it has given me grief over the years. i have had the filling refilled FOUR times. At one pint I even had a gold filling - but that didn't last long. I went to the dentist the other week and mentioned it was giving me a gyp again. he said it was now sensitive ( i don't know why - that tooth has had my attention much more than all the teeth) and give me a filling thing between my gum and the tooth. It has twinged on and off ever since but I have ignored it ( I could go on with the child metaphor..but I'm sure you get the drift.) Tonight is has been twinging a lot. I always ask the dentist if he'll take it out but he acts like I'm joking. I think I'll have to book another trip to the dentist. its such a hassle as I'll have to make the time up at work.

Just read Rosemary's baby - what a good writer Ira Levin is. He uses language in a sparse, powerful way. i bet he would have won the Yellow Advertiser Ghost story competition.

Course

I got my final result for my Creative Writing Course. - and i got a B. (well they call it a grade 2 pass but I know a B when I see it.) I'm very pleased. I remember when I got the course time table at the beginning of the year and saw all the assignments I had to and thought : Oh Gina what have you done...But I finished the course and I did well. I 'm giving myself a pat on the back.
Half way through re - reading IT by Stephen King. Scarier than I remembered it being.

Letter

Received our first letter today from maria, a child that Steve and I are sponsoring. maria lives with her family in Latin America ( a country beginning with N that I can't spell). It was a very charming letter, where she talked about playing with her chickens and her Mum and Dad. In fact it bought a tear to my eye. Although as I get older I find anything sets me off. i do urge you, unseen reader to sponsor a child, it is very worthwhile.

As I'm typing this I can hear Steve laughing at the TV, I'm going to go and investigate. Steve's laughter is one of my favourite sounds.

ghost story

I entered the Yellow Advertiser's Ghost Story competition. I had fully expected to win. I was amazed when I didn't win the Good Housekeeping story competition. I've gone off that magazine now. i don't think I've won the competition now, I think I would have heard by now if I had. Oh well Dad liked it. Dad thinks I'm brilliant. He thinks I'm nearly as good as Ruth Rendell. Stupid story competition.
Went to the pub last night, we had a really good time, but came out stinking of smoke. I can't wait for that smoking ban. I still don't understand why England has had to wait such a long time for it to be implemented. The ban won't be enforced untill the summer.

Coat

Met Mum for lunch today and she very sweetly offered to treat me to a new coat. I think I last bought a winter coat about three years ago. And that wasn't really a coat is it a fleecy jacket thing. it is very generous of Mum, but I secretly thought just give me the cash and I'll spend it on something exciting. You see I have terrible taste when it comes to coats. i like it in the shop and I'll like it when I get home but give me a month and I hate it. I'm brilliant at buying handbags and shoes but I've got no taste when it comes to coats. I don't even like wearing them that much. I think in a coat (I know I'm being very repetitive with the word 'coat', I'm getting fed up of typing 'coat') I look like a walking wardrobe. The only outdoor garment I like is my denim jacket. My Mum has got a good taste in coats, she has a coat, jacket and hat for every occassion and season.

Over garlic'd

Steve is coming home late tonight so I cooked myself some spaghetti , mushrooms and tomatoes and I threw in some garlic. Too much garlic as it turns out. I stink and i can't get rid of the taste. Yuk.

Changing the subject there was a tornado in Kensal Green today. It was a proper tornado - it tore up some houses. All these weather reports and they never warned us of that did they? How could the Weather Centre miss something as big as that? It just confirms my belief that the weather reports are a waste of time /stating the obvious. If you want to know what the weather is like - look out of the window.

Reiki Magic

Just had a very intense reiki session with Claire. Put simply reiki is the love of the universe focusing on you. I normally find sessions very relaxing and all my aches and pains drift away. I have said before it seems mad, it seems like it shouldn't work but it does. Any how today Claire said that she would try a crystal grind- which is basically putting stones around the outline of your head and she placed a stone on my forehead. At first it felt so lovely, images of green and purple clouds came to mind. Then gradually I began to feel uncomfortable, my throat and arms especially. I felt like something was pressing lightly on my neck (and I hate having my neck touched - but that's another story) and my arms felt painful, like someone was squeezing them. the pain got worse and worse and in the end I had to tell Claire to stop. Claire removed the stones, except the one on my forehead. She said that it could be the force of the positive vibes (i suddenly can hear snorting of disbelief from the other side of the Atlantic- but you can't knock it till you give it a go..) Anyhow she removed the stones and I can't tell you difference it made. I gradually began to feel more relaxed and open. For the first time I had the distinct impression some one else was in the room. As i write this i do feel foolish and try to find a rational explanation - but the experience felt intensely spiritual. And no I don't take drugs, I don't smoke (anything) and I hadn't had anything alcoholic to drink. And how do I feel now - I feel relaxed and regenerated. I suppose I feel more at peace with myself. That can't be a bad thing can it?

Template Change

I've finally got round to updating my Blogger, it has made it easier to muck around with and add new features. As you can see I've added and changed my template. Decided to finish the story I'm writing for Aaron. I feel quite strongly about finishing stories off, I think it is a bad habit(bad karma even) to leave them unfinished. Well the story has disappeared into the ether. When I opened up the word document there were a load of little squares instead of words. Perhaps the monster has eaten my story? Oh well back to the drawing board.

Bad Housewife

Steve cleared out the freezer today. he found a bag of spinach, oven chips, bag of frozen peppers and yorkshire puds that had an expiry date of January 06. I was in the living room and he came in specially to show me the offending items. I think he blames me. I must learn to rotate the items and not just to take things from the top. he can't bear to think of all that wasted food. we have 56 frozen yorkshire puds (still within date) and he expects to seeing them on his plate over the next few weeks. he still thinks I'll be cooking for him....

Don't get me started...

Was browsing other people's blogs (why ? because I'm nosey). One person was up in arms about what she read in the Daily Mail. What does she expect? Those types of papers are always full of moral indignation.
Alan's blog made me laugh out loud - to the headline Tom and Katie get married - he had written - do I give a shit. the sad thing is i do - I looked up the wedding phots on the net. wasn't that impressed by the dress i must say. I'm gob smacked when iread Pamela Anderson and kid Rock are getting divorced. Apparantly a 'friend' confided that there were reasons why she didn't marry him before. WTF?
Am listening to a tribute to Alan Freeman- genius idea of his to play the hit parade in reverse. Steve actually met Alan Freeman many years ago. Steve said he was a lovely man.

Child free

I can't have children. this has made my life (since 2002 when i found out) horrible. I 've been on anti depressants and have numerous therapy sessions to help me come to terms with this. At times the only thing that has got me out of bed is the thought that if I don't I'll never get up. It has been horrific. But I don't want my life to be a horror story. i don't want to be sad Gina. I want to count my blessings. I need to realise that you can have a happy life with out having children.
I'm fed up with the negatives - here are some positives:
I've got a great, good looking,sexy, supportive husband
At the weekend we can have a lie in, read the papers, watch a DVD. we can do nothing.
We can spoil ourselves with our disposal income
I have time, aside from work I don't watch the clock
I have enough spare cash to sponsor a child
The house doesn't have to be child friendly
I have a great sister and brother in law who are generous with their kids - I get the chance to be best auntie ever.
I get to sleep at night.
I can go on holiday outside school holidays.
I've never been to Center parcs or Kids Kingdom.

Life is good!

Friday

I don't know why I look forward to Fridays- fridays afternoons are always soooo busy and hectic. I've got a stinking headache and feel worn out. Hope Dad wins the lottery this weekend. ( i don't do the lottery, but Dad does and if he does win I'm sure he'll give his daughters a cut. He has said that Angela and I would have to have a DNA test first though.)

Story

I've finally got round to writing stories again. I had a bit of a break after the OU Creative Writing course and I won't get the final result until Christmas. I'm writing a horror story for my nephews, using them as characters. i used to write stories for them starring themselves before i started the course - but I never managed to really scare them. (Scare them in a good Doctor Who way not terrify them. I'm not an evil auntie). its nice to think about a story again, thinking of outrageous plot lines and how to reconcile them. FYI Aaron left an unfnished drawing of a house, that has been possessed by a demon and has trapped Joe in the drawing. the demon wants to burrow itself in Joe's brain. aaron has to find a way of saving his brother without setting free the demon. How does he do this you may well ask? I'm coming up with a few ideas...Really I should be getting on with writing that -so bye bye.
BTW -really getting into Agatha Christie- am reading the collected Hercule Poirot stories - v.good.

Sunday

Feel a lot more relaxed these days, less driven- ie don't feel guilty having a lie in. I love having a lie in, snuggling under the duvet. I'm not hurting anyone (well perhaps Steve but consenting adults and all that...) so I don't know why I feel guilty. i read somewhere (somewhere proper like the The Times or the Telegraph) that too much sleep shortens your life. What? How ? Why?

Finally watched '5by2' - well read would be more accurate as it is a sub titled French film. (something else to feel bad about - between the ages of 11 and 16 i learnt French, i have an O level in it, which is practically a degree these days - and I can't understand French). Its about the break up of a marrage told backwards - so first you see them at the lawyers and at the end of the film it is how they met. Obviously it wasn't a barrel of laughs, but it did make me think. i think it was about how easy it is to be in love when things are going well, when you're happy. Don't watch the film if you are trying to give up smoking as they were lighting up all the time. Which brings me nicely to "Thank you for smoking" - no one lit up at all and it was all about cigarettes. it was v funny and had actors in it that should be more famous than they are.

Tried to post a (long rambling) message to Mark's blog and it wouldn't let me. I was forbidden. mark had gone a bit mad with his filters (well that his story..) but it got me thinking. Is this how friendships end in the 21st century - they just filter you out? i was amazed when I heard that people get dumped by text. In my day it was bad form to be dumped over the phone, they used to invire you out for a drink and you would get dumped as you sat and sipped a diet coke.

re below

In case you live in Mars (or America -Mark) I'm talking about Southend beating Manchester United. 1-0

Southend won!

Southend won!!!!!!!!Flahaven man of the match!!!!There's only one Freddy Eastwood. And I want Steve Tilson's babies!!

Dam Busters

Watched the Dam Busters last night. What a film! Talk about English understatement and the stiff upper lip. Wing Commander Gibson's quiet heart break when his dog dies (the name of the dog shows how much times have changed - the past is a different country.) I read that they are planning to remake the film but I can't see how it can be bettered - who is going to better than Michael Redgrave as Barnes Wallace? Whats all this about remakes- can you think of a remake that was better - or even added to - the original? The Haunting, LadyKillers, Psycho - the remakes were pale imitations.