Done It!

I have fulfilled my challenge of blogging every day for a month. Obviously I picked the shortest month to try my challenge. There was only one day when I couldn't think of anything to write, which surprised me - it was easier than I imagined it would be.

Tuesday.

I have been getting the odd comment from CK. CK is from Taiwan and our conversation has been on the Ouch! post. CK has rumbled me - I am very nosey.

Ordered the new Agatha Raisin from Amazon - I can't wait, she is one of my favourite reads. Read Mrs Miggins's blog today where she confesses a weird crush on Daniel Radcliffe (Equus Daniel not Harry Potter Daniel.) I was trying to think what weird crush I 've got. I find James May strangely alluring.

Made Tacos tonight, asked Steve if he thought it was sexy using his fingers to eat. He said no. The chilli made his nose run. Sometimes I think Steve is my weird crush.

Panda

Couldn't get to sleep last night. Went to bed at about 11, read for a bit and snuggled down at about half past. At 12 I was still awake , this is very unusual for me. At 1 I was still awake. Half one, quarter to two...I'm trying not to panic. i was reaching that stage when I thought I'm never going to fall asleep. I started to think about Insomnia by Stephen King. So I reached and got panda. Panda is not a lady thing, it is Steve' s old teddy bear. feeling foolish but desperate I snuggled up to Panda and fell asleep.
And when I told this to my colleagues they all laughed at me. I thought Helen was going to wet herself. They're just jealous that they haven't got Panda. I haven't got any of my childhood toys - they're lost in the mists of time.

Memories

When I was young it was my ambition to be a journalist. This was in the days before the interweb and people used to cobble together fanzines. I googled it last night (see what i mean about the PC being a distraction?) and was amazed to see that was sold on e bay and that the copy was open on the interview I had done with Billy Bragg. I'm even more amazed that I had the balls to interview Billy Bragg in the first place.

Popped into Waterstones today and was looking at the stationery stuff they sell. When I started my OU Creative Writing course we were told to get a notebook. A lot of the students raved about the notebooks in Waterstones, although I bought mine from Smiths. I can see why there got excited, they are moleskin covered notebooks. But they are very thin -thereby being very easy to fill up- and very expensive. My notebook is like a brick and cost about a fiver. I have got a puritanical streak. For the past few days I've been working on a poem for my parents' ruby wedding anniversary.

Theatre

Went to see "The Unexpected Guest" with my Dad this afternoon. Dad has loved Agatha Christie for years , and I've just started to get into her. Its handy because Dad has all her books. mum booked the tickets a few months ago, it was only when Dad handed me my ticket I realised she had booked senior citizen concessions. And I got in! No questions asked! I thought I could pass for 34 not 64!!!

Confession

yesterday we had an enjoyable evening talking got our Transatlantic friend. When we finished the call, mark was going for a run. We told him we would watch a bit of telly and go to bed. (it was about 9.30) An hour and half later those greedy Robbos had stuffed a bumper bag of crisps and a large slab of chocolate between them. Why????? We both had fatty remorse when we woke up this morning. we both had a food hangover.

Was supposed to go out after work this evening but I was in the unusual position of being blown out by everyone else. They all had good excuses, but still..At least the dogs were pleased to see me.

Square Eyes

Totally addicted to heroes. I've been watching it so much the distinction between real and not real is merging. I think that must have been what happened to Mark -see comments 15th Feb ;0)
If I could have any Hero power it would be mind reading , because I'm nosey. But you know that anyway.
BTW my note pad is still untouched....been watching too much TV.

Writing

I went to WH Smiths today and bought a writing pad and a pen refill. There are too many distractions for my writing when I turn on the PC. First of all I have to check my celebrity gossip and other people's blogs. Then I write my blog. Then I look things up on Wikipedia. this is not good. Ashley warned me about people who don't keep up with their writing when they have finished their course. I'm not going to be like that - but I can't kid myself that writing this is as good as writing my stories. poor Sylvie Pickles isn't getting the attention she deserves! I don't want to end up like the Dark Half.

Days like these.

There are somethings that you will never get over. The best you can do is to come to terms with it, live with it, make it manageable. And when I say the best you can do, Imean that - it is very difficult to do this. I have only managed this with a lot of help. Sometimes things happen , take you by surprise and you think "I can't cope with this any more. It is too hard." I've had a day like that today. I think that there are days like these in every one's life.
My advice - don't bottle it up, talk to someone who cares. Choose someone who won't start a sentence with "What you need to do is..""You'll have to get used to..." "Is your period due.." Don't let anyone deny how you feel. And realise you won't always feel like this. It will pass.
In fact just typing this has made me feel better.

Staring into Space

I had set myself a challenge to write an entry everyday this month. I've been sitting staring into space for the past 5 minutes. OK I can get away with this today, but I had better think of something tomorrow.

Did you know that in the Shetland islands only men attend funerals? That is something I have learnt today. (perhaps I should have saved that fact for tomorrow's entry.)

Cooking instructions

Have you noticed that cooking instructions on frozen stuff lie? Alan came over for dinner last night, I popped in some sliced garlic bread to go with the lasagne. It said 5 minutes on the pack. 5 minutes- 25 more like. It wasn't a cold oven, it had been on for 40 minutes . I know it states "cooking times may vary" but really they should have put "We don't know how like this will take. You need to keep checking."

You may have noticed I haven't recorded Southend's score this week. it was (whisper) 4 nil. Stupid football.

Saturday

I've been reading a book called In Fidelity by M J Rose. I suppose it is a crime book because there is a murder, but the book questions if a partner is unfaithful does that necessarily mean the end of the relationship. A relationship is more than sex- is it worse if your partner confides in some one other than you ? At the end of the book the wife tries again with the unfaithful husband. It was just sex, she reasons, her and her husband have a much deeper connection.
I think that is all very well in theory but I don't think affairs are really about the sex. I think it is the excitement of having to keep it all a secret. The buzz of having someone pay attention to you, giving you compliments, feeling special. Some people even tell their friends what they are up to. They live in their own soap opera where they have the starring role. Its like when I hear people say "We just love each other too much" WTF does that mean? I think that just means they like make up sex.
I don't believe that there is the perfect soul mate. I believe to make a go of a relationship both of you have to want to make it work. There is a lot of compromise and a lot of communication. Just because you love someone doesn't make them or you a mind reader.

Angela

Hey, hey my sister's back! Angela, Dave and the boys have just come back from a week at Center Parcs. You can't really get a signal there so we haven't talked for a whole FIVE days. Angela just gave me a quick ring to say that they're back safe and sound, she is exhausted but has had a fantastic time. its odd when we were kids we couldn't stand each other. i used to ask Mum why she had to have another baby. As we got older Angela annoyed me and I embarrassed her by being such a geek. She said I had Dougal hair!(Dougal - magic Roundabout) -she was right I did! We were teenagers in the 80s and Angela used a can of hairspray making sure she had the big hair. Angela had mammoth hair. i was more of a Smiths fan and hardly had any hair it was cut so short. We both were fans of black eyeliner and red lipstick. gradually we became friends, it only took about 20 years. She is the only person I would wear a red satin be-bowed dress for (yup that was the bridesmaid dress she stuck me in.) She sang Mrs Robinson under her breath when I introduced her to Steve - and said to him "You don't look 6 foot 3."
Angela makes me laugh and occasionally she even says things that make sense. I'm glad Mum and Dad had another baby.

Question

The trouble with having big dogs is that when you hear water lapping - is that them drinking from their water bowl or they having a big long wee?

Ho hum I'd better check.

BTW being invisible doesn't mean you can shoplift - the objects are still visible.

My Special Power

Mum is right - I am special!My special power is a bit confusing as I can't see any change, I only become aware of what has happened by people's reaction to me. Or rather their lack of reaction. I am: Invisible- in - Crowds -but especially in supermarkets -Woman. Sometimes my invisibility affects the car, judging by the amount of people who pull out/don't indicate - the poor dears have checked their mirrors they just haven't seen the invisible car.

Valentines

I've never been that bothered by valentines day. I think I grew out of it by the time I was 17. At 22 I realised that there is nothing more frustrating that getting a Valentines, having no idea who it is from and never finding out. Ever. For me as a singleton the killer was New Years Eve. Having no one to kiss at midnight and spending the first 20 minutes of the New Year sitting by myself whilst all the couples danced to the slowies. Not getting a special Christmas present sucks too. Although I am a great believer in not hurling from one relationship to another. Not to sound too Hallmarky I do think it is only when you are moderately (lets not carried away here) happy with your own company can you open up to someone else. Saying that I have had some shocking ex boyfriends - what was I thinking? I don't know if its a flaw in me (yes I do - its not) but I've never stayed friends with any of my exes.

Monday

Today was extremely busy at week. There was only three of us today and we kept emitting sighs of sheer exhaustion. when we got home I cooked a roast and then watched The L Word. I love that programme , I think it is even better than Sex and the City. Life on Mars starts tomorrow, I'm looking forward to watching that.

Decided to start again with my story. I'm going to re write it from the first person-multi points of view are proving to be a challenge!

I'm too exhausted to write any more.

Lists

Things I like about Essex:

Being by the sea.
It is urban enough so you get takeaways delivered, but there is rural bliss a short drive away.
There are lots of parks.
London is on the doorstep, but we are far enough away for the town to have its own identity.
When I walk down the High Street I always see some one I know. We give each other a little wave and "All right?"
There are some lovely country walks that are hidden away. You feel that you are in the middle of nowhere.
The town has theatres, a cinema and good restaurants.

Things I like about Steve:

he is tall
he makes me laugh
he puts me first
he is clever
he is full of surprises

What I hate about Steve:

Instead of emptying the bin bag he balances rubbish on top of the rubbish. When he does this, it makes me so mad I could do time for it.

Walkies

Took the dogs for a walk along the beach this afternoon,. Unfortunately there was a fellow dog walker who couldn't control his dog. the dog was off its lead. The dog came bounding over - and with tail upright. the owner was already yelling for it to come back. That's worrying if this is a friendly dog why is the owner trying to call the dog away. i walked away with Tom and pen , not making eye contact - when dogs come running over with their tail upright it is a bad sign. I got the dogs on a short lead and the dog stopped a few feet away, the owner is still yelling and the dog is still ignoring him. Tom's barking , but what is concerning me more is Penny. She has got her teeth bared and is really doing some serious growling. the last time I heard Pen growl like that was a few years go when a dog run underneath her. Carrying on walking is not helping so I stand still, pushing Penny's face into the side of my leg. She is now growling into my thigh. The owner is still yelling - but he hasn't come over to pull his dog away- he is keeping a safe distance - this owner is not helping at all. the dog gets bored with me playing statues and runs off. I carry on with my walk. Dog owners like that rely on the other dog owner taking responsibility. I've just got a horrible feeling that one day that dog will end up in a fight. The rest of the walk was uneventful, thank goodness!

Five Nil

Southend beat QPR five nil. Five nil. Five nil.
Five nil.
It is never boring supporting Southend.

Reader Perception

My Mum thinks that the story I managed to in Hackerwriters is about her. Never mind that the story is about a the death of a mother and she is very much alive. When I wrote it I thought I had created a character. I thought it was a generic close mother/daughter relationship. However seeing as Mum refers to it as the story you wrote about me , perhaps I need to have a rethink. If Mum reads the story as sees it as about herself (when that wasn't my intention) does that mean she is right? When I was doing the Ou course someone berated the tutor for not "getting" her story. At the time I smirked and thought the writer can't blame the reader. I might write what I think I'm writing , but the reader reads what is there. So hands up, on a subconscious level I've written a story about my Mum dying. I'm lucky that Mum is thrilled about my description of her.

I'm the only one that thinks visitors (however welcome) make the house messy? Don't get paranoid Ruth, I'm referring to visitors not visitor. You have to rearrange the seating, get out extra coasters and find somewhere to put their coats. Sometimes they don't even put the loo seat down! I enjoy the company but I'm itching to get things straight after they have gone. I wish I could be like Angela, she is genuinely hospitable and social. I just have to work at it a bit more. So if you do get invited over I must really like you!

Casino Nights

We went to the Westcliff Casino to celebrate the aforesaid anniversary. We never actually bet, but the bar is nice and the restaurant is good. We had a table with a view out over to the pier. We haven't been to the casino for years and I'm sorry to say they have got rid of the sweet trolley. I love it when they roll out the sweet trolley - all those delicious looking gateaux and trifles. We still had a right good feed up, there was a special offer as we went during the week and the bill was just shy of £30. Considering it was a Tuesday it was very busy. I've attached a picture of my beloved that I took on the my mobile.

Went to the shopping bit at Rayleigh Weir this afternoon as Steve wanted to get a part for the car. We also went to the supermarket to get the heavy groceries. It was horrendous. I'm never ever going there again. Ever. I don't know if the car parks were badly designed or just that idiots go there. The good news was that when we got in there was a message from work to say the breakfast meeting was cancelled. Hurray!! I hate having to get up any earlier than I have to.

8 Years

We got some nice Anniversary cards today. Angela gave us a Green and Black chocolate fondue. Green and Black is serious chocolate love- I could smell the stuff through the wrapping. Steve is the real chocoholic in the house, I prefer savouries. I'll go to Sainsburys tomorrow to buy some out of season fruit for dipping. Steve would rather use biscuits- that's not very sophisticated it it?
We went to see Pan's Labyrinth this afternoon. I love going to the pictures in the afternoon, it feels so decadent. The film wasn't a horror film, although parts of it were horrific. I feel the film is really about a child driven mad by grief. I'm glad I saw it because it was an original film and it does stay with you afterwards. Although watching the Captain shoot at stuff all the time reminded me of The Simpsons Cartridge Family episode.

Monday

Started writing my "cozy" last night. The heroine is called Sylvie Pickles. I'm pleased with the name - I find it hard naming characters. I've got the first 500 odd words under my belt . I feel pleased I've actually made a start.
Got the next two days off. its our anniversary tomorrow. We're going to see Pan's Labyrinth, which is a horror movie. Not exactly my idea of romance. I'll probably spend most of the film not wearing my glasses so that the scary bits are all blurred.
Work is really really busy. I was quite worn out when I left.

Ouch!!!

Car door slammed on my little finger. Thought I was going to throw up with the pain of it. When I was younger I thought I had a high pain threshold, I realise now it was just that I have never really experienced pain.

I have been thinking about my cozy story on and off for the past few days and written a few character sketches. I've got the heroine, the sidekick and the victim. I need the murderer now, although I think I'll start writing and see what happens. I found out writing the Doctor Who stories that it is best just to get on with it. There is always a danger that if you over think it , you end up not writing anything. on that note, I'm off!

A vagina monologue

I've been reading Self made Man by Norah Vincent. The title of the book kind of gives it way, it is her story of passing as a man for a year. She joins a bowling team, gets a sales job and evens goes on a monastery retreat , as a man. Norah, as Ned, is trying to experience what life is like for men. How men see themselves and how they relate to each other. Ned goes on dates and Norah is shamed when she sees what a hard time women give men. Ned regards his date showing him a pack of photos as a hostile act. I think she was just trying to break the ice. What really surprised me/dismayed me was that the men she spoke to like their "women" (you know what I really mean) to be odourless, tasteless and clean.
That makes me mad. One of my pet hates are those adverts for deodorant tampons or feminine wipes. the underlying message of you smell down there. You can shower/bath every day but you are never gonna get that clean. it is outrageous. I've got a thing against applicator tampons for the same reason. To me it is saying :because you don't want to put your finger inside that do you - yuk! You might catch something!
To be fair I think the same thing may exist to men. However I've got this opinion from watching Sex and the City, so who knows how true it is. it seems that American women perfer their men circumcised, they believe it is cleaner. Seems a bit extreme to me. Isn't is easier just to wash. Perhaps there could be a market in masculine wipes?

Back to work.

Went back to work today. Everyone was very nice. My manager took one look at me and said she appreciated me making the effort to come in. That is code for you look like sh*t. And I do look like sh*t. I've got a scabby nose, spots and chapped lips. Still I did make an effort and wash my hair. I feel worn out now and a bit fed up. I was supposed to be going out tonight with Mum and Angela. And we're supposed ot be going out with Tim and Sharon tomorrow but I can't see Steve being up for that. Still it is our anniversary on Tuesday, we booked a few days and I'm sure we were both be okay by then. We will have been married eight years!!!!! I though a post our picture of Steve and I looking a bit more glamorous than we are today.

Where there's a will..

I'm off work with a bumper cold/ chest infection green gunk thing. My sister has bullied me into making an appointment with the Doctors ('You need antibiotics! Sicking up green gunk is not normal!') So I'm seeing the Doctor this evening. So naturally my thoughts are turning towards death. My death.
Steve and I tried to make a will about 4 years ago. We went to the solicitors , but unfortunately he couldn't seem to get his head around the fact that we were childless, would remain childless and wanted to leave a third of our estate to someone who was mentally handicapped. It was a very upsetting experience. So I got upset and we still didn't have a will. Any how now that I'm gravely ill I googled 'last will and testament' and have done it on line. Talk about easy peasy. I even had to fill in details about funeral/cremation that the stupid solicitor didn't ask about. I have saved it so Steve can read the details- so fingers crossed he survives the drive home - and then we can pay it.
Talking of funeral arrangements - I want to be cremated and have flowers. Steve does not want flowers because he thinks that is gay (wtf? he'll be dead and worrying that people will think he is gay). Steve has got a cool idea, he wants balloons tied to his coffin. So that when the coffin goes into the furnace the balloons will all go BANG!!!!! Obviously if I'm still around I won't be honouring that request.

Just come back from the Doctors with a handful of antibiotics, one to to be taken 3 times a day.