02 May, 2008

Significant Others

I spend 3 hours a day travelling to work. And that gives me extra thinking time. I stare out of the train window and think about things. Then I have a little snooze. Its a hard life. The past couple of days I've been thinking about past relationships and how I feel about those people now.
I think what ever happens with me and Steve, he will always be a significant other. Knowing him has made a difference to the person I am today. He has influenced my life.
Now I met Steve when I was 28, so he wasn't my first boyfriend. Aside from him there have been 2 other men that I thought I was in love with. let's call them A and B. Thinking about B it is frightening how he has faded from my memory. I now regard him as a blip along the way. nothing that serious. But reader how devastated I was when he dumped me! I was engaged to the bloke!
bloke A - well I still dream about him. They are nightmares. I met him when i was 16 and he was 22. Now what 22 year old is interested in some one that much younger than him? I think the answer is an insecure, bullying one. But then I might be a tad biased . But sadly I think A is a significant other - in that his horrible behaviour did leave his mark on me. Towards the end of our relationship bloke B was a bit of a sod and did some hurtful things - but looking back I think that wasn't on purpose. He was in a situation he wanted to get out of and didn't handle very gracefully. Whereas I know Bloke A went out of his way to try and undermine and make me feel bad because he could and he liked to do so. However he had underestimated me because one day I walked. And I don't think he ever thought I would do that.
Funnily enough a year after I left him A wrote me a letter apologising for his behaviour, he said that he had always been jealous of me. Oh and by the way could we get back together? The letter went straight in the bin.

2 comments:

Paula said...

It's always so heartwarming to get the humour of You & Steve, it's realistic, and mutually respectful and you obviously adore him. He loves you in a way you want to be loved.
There is no love in Control, just hatred (of self) and power. Having known an A - I relate completely, and even, I think, aspire to maybe one day finding a Steve
xxxxxxxxxx

Gina said...

Thanks Paula...that was a really nice comment.
Gina x